The Customs to check luggage of those who carry the "red passports" and "pink passports"

The customs service are to check the luggage of those who carry red passports for the first time in the history of this nation. This is in an attempt to act like they are trying to stop the import of narcotics into the country.However foreign people with the red passport will be entitled to benefits and will only have to undergo a strip search and an anal probe just to make sure they are not carrying any drugs on them.

According to the customs this is just the beginning of the process to reform the customs service. In the future they are planning to check men with pink briefcases to prevent gay people from coming to Maldives. In recent years they have also observed that a lot of women who come to Maldives from Pakistan have beards, and smell like they have been living in a cave for 10 years. So they have decided to check these women for any signs of genetic diseases or beard flu but they believe that the probability of these women actually being terrorist men from al-qaeda is slimmer than a needle going through a camels eye (Ouch..).

Warning: No camels were hurt in the making of this post

See Thru Opticals: See the girls better

For the first time in Maldives the state of the Fart technology that allows
you to see-thru everything from Maumoon's lies to womens clothes.
So what are you waiting for cum to see-thru opticals now
and get your glasses.
Today is the day you see the world for what it really is
"A Beautiful Pile of Bullshit and lies"

A Strip club in Maldives

The first ever strip club in Maldives was supposed to be opened next week in henveiru. However the Islamic ministry have stated that women are not allowed to dance in front of men except in Dhivehi Music Videos and hithaanukuraa parties so after a few minute adjustments the first ever Bar in Maldives Will be opened.The Bar would be like any other bar except that all the alcoholic drinks will be non-alcoholic.

Recently President Nasheed announced that there are plenty of opportunities for foreign investors in Maldives and he was surprised by the lack of such investment. This bar is part of a program by the government to attract foreign investors towards Maldives. They are also planning to build a casino in Hulhumale and fully utilise the newly discovered natural resource in Maldives, prostitutes.

Bangladeshis in Maldives vote For their Bondhu Leader

Bangladeshis in Maldives have voted in a historical poll that decided who they think should be the president of Maldives. There was a lot of hype surrounding the election especially among Maldivians who have an unparalleled love and respect for the Bangladeshi people. Speaking to what-a-noos a man from Bangladesh said "Alla Giri Giri Podilla nalla naagiri" , our team of language experts are trying to comprehend what he was saying but so far we think he was trying to say "I need to take a shit, can you show me where the toilet is".

The election was easily won by Burma Gasim who is famous for donating jumhooree party t-shirts to Bangladeshis. Unfortunately we could not find a political analyst to analyze the election so we went to a restaurant to find the public opinion. The People there expressed great optimism and passion with comments like "I dont give a F$%K","Su#K it", "alla giri giri" and "Thi%$aa boigen tha thihiree" . The poll was covered by famous TV Channels such as BBC (Bangladeshi Broadcasting corporation) and CNN (chicken noodle naagiri)

Note:
One day a Bangladeshi man spit on me and since then I've been out to get revenge because that really was one of the most disgusting things that have happened to me and all because of their need to emit saliva spontaneously so i might be writing a lot about them.

A hidden message

Strict New Rules in CHSE

According to the Management of CHSE the students have always complained that the rules in the school are not strict enough so they have decided to introduce some new rules. In the past students in CHSE were not allowed to come to school with facial hair. Now according to the new rules they also have to shave their Armpit, Nose hairs and Pubic hair.

When coming for Extra classes students are now required to wear a special Underwear called "Activity Underwear" Which has a CHSE logo on the backside and a smiley face on the Front Side. In addition to this girls are also required to wear the "Activity bra" when coming for extra Classes. These activity underwear are only supposed to be used inside the school and you should not be caught wearing them outside school.

Gangsters go on Drug Strike

Gangsters in Maldives have decided to go on a Drug Strike to protest against discrimination of their rights. This means that they would not use drugs until they are guaranteed their rights. They would also stop going to Work, just like the teachers did last year. The only difference is that their jobs include much more important things like harassing people and Selling Drugs.

The Government is very concerned about the strike and they have decided to bring in a special Expert from Jamaica to make them use drugs again. According to the State Minister for Dope Dr.Ganjaaboa People who use drugs are an important part of the food chain in Maldives. For example their urine is good for the fish. According to him if they stop using drugs they would stop pissing in the ocean and this would lead to a collapse of the Maldivian Fishing Industry and also the Maldivian Porno Industry .

Bangalhees responsible for bodu burugaa

Warning: No bangaalhees were hurt in the making of this article

A research by theMaldivian psychotic university claims that the increase in number of women wearing bodu burugaa can be attributed to the increasing number of bangalhees in Maldives. A study showed that when a bangaalhee man looks at a woman with a horny look on his face , this can scare the living hell out of a woman and leave her with no choice but to wear the bodu burugaa. In order to prove this theory they sent a bangalhee man to stare at certain notorious sluts on the islands none of whom wear burugaa. Within just two months 25% of them were wearing bodu burugaa and another 60% wearing burugaa and the other 15% had sex with the bangaalhee man.

After hearing the news the government immediately announced that they were "Ecstatic about the news" and they will give their own version of the nobel prize called "Bodu-Galhi award" to the scientist behind the research Dr. Shaffaaf . Dr. Shaffaaf also declared that he had found a way to catch illegal bangaalhees in Maldives. The method involves attaching a 5 Rufiyaa note to a fishing rod and throwing it from a high building. The technique is so similar to fishing that he decided to call it "Pissing".

10 men arrested for smuggling badi's into the maldives

10 men have been arrested for smuggling illegal whores also refered to as "badi" into the country. According to the maldivian constitution people are not allowed to import badi's into maldives . This was part of a special investigation by police into the increase in the number of prostitutes in maldives. Police say that women in burugaa are loaded onto a speedboat at hulhule and then stopped halfway between male and hulhule in order to strip them half naked.They are then sent to artificial beach and other areas of male.

Many of the badi's were later found in a house in male .The house belonged to a man posing as a Sri lankan but police later confirmed that his real name is "Snoop Do double G". So far police have confiscated 30 badi's , 2 swords ,5 lingerie, 2 tooth picks and 30 trillion zimbabwe dollars.

Superman Returns- The Maldivian Version

Maldivian Movie Makers are planning to make a Dhivehi version of the Superman Movie titled " the return of sperm-man". The script for the movie will be written by Nahula . According to our sources the special effects in the movie are amazing and some of the special effects include the zoom-in effect used in kasauti. Some people believe that this movie will be even better than kasauti in terms of special effects.

In the movie sperman will be played by Umar Naseer, and Lois lane will be played by Yoopey while the part of lex luthor will be played by none other than our beloved Maumoon abdul gayyoom. Speaking to our reporters The director Amjad said" We are Working with a large budget which includes money to get whores... I meant actresses and some extras (parteys) for the movie, we also lost a lot of money as Yoope went on a major shopping spree using our money by mistake".

The movie will premier in cinemas all over the world on Feb 7th 2009

Update: The movie has been cancelled after it was sent to the censorboard

No UNislamic activities at the DJ

Police say that they had monitored the acitivities including those happening in the toilets but they didnt find anything contrary to Islam during the new years eve dj's. Speaking to the press a police sergeant said "Our officers are highly trained in islam, almost 50% of them know how to pray properly and a few of them know how to write bismillah so we can't question their judgement".

The organisers complained that police had interrupted the DJs saying that they found lots of male police officers dancing which caused most youngsters except a few women to loose interest. But police claim that this was all part of a program to ensure that nothing contrary to Islam was done at the DJ.

Most of the People who attended the Dj were disappointed with it. One 19 year old man said " This beautiful woman on a motorcycle came and gave me an ad to go to the Dj so i was expecting more naked beautiful women like that at the Dj but it was full of men so i went back to smoking cigarettes again "

The Return of Maumoon

Hundreds of Thousands of supporters gathered in the republican square to welcome the old president maumoon abdul gayyoom who made a visit to singapore for a get together party with bill clinton. During the party they discussed major global issues such as global warming and sex which happens to be bill clintons favourite topic during and after his days in the white House.

Secuirity were in tights as gayyoom was hugged ,fondled and sexually harassed by the gathered crowd. He eventually managed to make it to the car after loosing several of his body parts to the screaming women. Speaking to what-a-noos a woman called Maumoona said "This large crowd here full of women proves that maumoon is sexier than anni, Anni can wear a yellow tie but maumoon is the only leader man enough to wear a pink tie"

Theif flee after being interrupted while trying to steal a woman's bra

A Theif fled the scene after he was caught trying to steal the bra from a 19 year old women in the artifical beach area.Eye witnesses claim that he was secretly trying to steal the bra while she was unaware and there is no chance that she was just a prostitute.Police say that they cannot show pictures of the man as his face is too ugly for TV, but they did show a picture of the women on TV (taken from thebalaabodu.com).An eye witness said "at first i thought a man was scratching her back but i got suspicous when she started screaming in pain." Police say that the incident has been reported and they have sent a team to investigate the woman's bra for more evidence.

Norton Antivirus For Humans

symantec has introduced a new software program to help humans fight against viruses. The software is said to work against all viruses in existence. In order to use the software you have to connect yourself to the computer through a wire that goes into your anus. The wire sends a small electric impulse (5000 V) of electricity through your body, and if you're still lucky to be alive after all that the virus will be gone and you will be cured.Just like the computer version the human version of the software makes you slow and unresponsive. Some of the other side effects of the software include death, paralysis, heart attacks,chronic farting and spikey hair.

Workshop to raise awareness on STD's

A workshop has been held in CHSE to give the students information about sexually transmitted diseases. The students noted that the workshop was very helpful and entertaining. One student said " i never knew you could do that with your thing, i have to try that sometime". A discussion also took place during the workshop and students discussed the issue which is considered to be taboo in Maldives.

After the workshop ended the next day 14 students very absent due to sexually transmitted diseases and 1 of them had HIV aids. Two weeks later 40 students got syphilis, 9 got HIV aids and one very stupid student lost his manhood. The school considers the workshop to be very successful and they are now planning to have a new workshop on drugs