WHAt ???

The Customs to check luggage of those who carry the "red passports" and "pink passports"

2009-06-01T01:01:00.002+05:00

The customs service are to check the luggage of those who carry red passports for the first time in the history of this nation. This is in an attempt to act like they are trying to stop the import of narcotics into the country.However foreign people with the red passport will be entitled to benefits and will only have to undergo a strip search and an anal probe just to make sure they are not carrying any drugs on them.

According to the customs this is just the beginning of the process to reform the customs service. In the future they are planning to check men with pink briefcases to prevent gay people from coming to Maldives. In recent years they have also observed that a lot of women who come to Maldives from Pakistan have beards, and smell like they have been living in a cave for 10 years. So they have decided to check these women for any signs of genetic diseases or beard flu but they believe that the probability of these women actually being terrorist men from al-qaeda is slimmer than a needle going through a camels eye (Ouch..).

Warning: No camels were hurt in the making of this post

Bangladeshis in Maldives vote For their Bondhu Leader

2009-03-04T17:44:00.006+05:00

Bangladeshis in Maldives have voted in a historical poll that decided who they think should be the president of Maldives. There was a lot of hype surrounding the election especially among Maldivians who have an unparalleled love and respect for the Bangladeshi people. Speaking to what-a-noos a man from Bangladesh said "Alla Giri Giri Podilla nalla naagiri" , our team of language experts are trying to comprehend what he was saying but so far we think he was trying to say "I need to take a shit, can you show me where the toilet is".

The election was easily won by Burma Gasim who is famous for donating jumhooree party t-shirts to Bangladeshis. Unfortunately we could not find a political analyst to analyze the election so we went to a restaurant to find the public opinion. The People there expressed great optimism and passion with comments like "I dont give a F$%K","Su#K it", "alla giri giri" and "Thi%$aa boigen tha thihiree" . The poll was covered by famous TV Channels such as BBC (Bangladeshi Broadcasting corporation) and CNN (chicken noodle naagiri)

Note:
One day a Bangladeshi man spit on me and since then I've been out to get revenge because that really was one of the most disgusting things that have happened to me and all because of their need to emit saliva spontaneously so i might be writing a lot about them.

A Strip club in Maldives

2009-03-21T18:54:00.004+05:00

The first ever strip club in Maldives was supposed to be opened next week in henveiru. However the Islamic ministry have stated that women are not allowed to dance in front of men except in Dhivehi Music Videos and hithaanukuraa parties so after a few minute adjustments the first ever Bar in Maldives Will be opened.The Bar would be like any other bar except that all the alcoholic drinks will be non-alcoholic.

Recently President Nasheed announced that there are plenty of opportunities for foreign investors in Maldives and he was surprised by the lack of such investment. This bar is part of a program by the government to attract foreign investors towards Maldives. They are also planning to build a casino in Hulhumale and fully utilise the newly discovered natural resource in Maldives, prostitutes.

See Thru Opticals: See the girls better

2009-03-28T11:19:00.005+05:00

For the first time in Maldives the state of the Fart technology that allows
you to see-thru everything from Maumoon's lies to womens clothes.
So what are you waiting for cum to see-thru opticals now
and get your glasses.
Today is the day you see the world for what it really is
"A Beautiful Pile of Bullshit and lies"

A hidden message

2009-02-13T23:53:00.000+05:00

Strict New Rules in CHSE

2009-02-02T23:40:00.002+05:00

According to the Management of CHSE the students have always complained that the rules in the school are not strict enough so they have decided to introduce some new rules. In the past students in CHSE were not allowed to come to school with facial hair. Now according to the new rules they also have to shave their Armpit, Nose hairs and Pubic hair.

When coming for Extra classes students are now required to wear a special Underwear called "Activity Underwear" Which has a CHSE logo on the backside and a smiley face on the Front Side. In addition to this girls are also required to wear the "Activity bra" when coming for extra Classes. These activity underwear are only supposed to be used inside the school and you should not be caught wearing them outside school.

Gangsters go on Drug Strike

2009-02-02T23:09:00.001+05:00

Gangsters in Maldives have decided to go on a Drug Strike to protest against discrimination of their rights. This means that they would not use drugs until they are guaranteed their rights. They would also stop going to Work, just like the teachers did last year. The only difference is that their jobs include much more important things like harassing people and Selling Drugs.

The Government is very concerned about the strike and they have decided to bring in a special Expert from Jamaica to make them use drugs again. According to the State Minister for Dope Dr.Ganjaaboa People who use drugs are an important part of the food chain in Maldives. For example their urine is good for the fish. According to him if they stop using drugs they would stop pissing in the ocean and this would lead to a collapse of the Maldivian Fishing Industry and also the Maldivian Porno Industry .

Bangalhees responsible for bodu burugaa

2009-01-23T17:33:00.002+05:00

Warning: No bangaalhees were hurt in the making of this article

A research by theMaldivian psychotic university claims that the increase in number of women wearing bodu burugaa can be attributed to the increasing number of bangalhees in Maldives. A study showed that when a bangaalhee man looks at a woman with a horny look on his face , this can scare the living hell out of a woman and leave her with no choice but to wear the bodu burugaa. In order to prove this theory they sent a bangalhee man to stare at certain notorious sluts on the islands none of whom wear burugaa. Within just two months 25% of them were wearing bodu burugaa and another 60% wearing burugaa and the other 15% had sex with the bangaalhee man.

After hearing the news the government immediately announced that they were "Ecstatic about the news" and they will give their own version of the nobel prize called "Bodu-Galhi award" to the scientist behind the research Dr. Shaffaaf . Dr. Shaffaaf also declared that he had found a way to catch illegal bangaalhees in Maldives. The method involves attaching a 5 Rufiyaa note to a fishing rod and throwing it from a high building. The technique is so similar to fishing that he decided to call it "Pissing".

10 men arrested for smuggling badi's into the maldives

2009-01-18T15:50:00.000+05:00

10 men have been arrested for smuggling illegal whores also refered to as "badi" into the country. According to the maldivian constitution people are not allowed to import badi's into maldives . This was part of a special investigation by police into the increase in the number of prostitutes in maldives. Police say that women in burugaa are loaded onto a speedboat at hulhule and then stopped halfway between male and hulhule in order to strip them half naked.They are then sent to artificial beach and other areas of male.

Many of the badi's were later found in a house in male .The house belonged to a man posing as a Sri lankan but police later confirmed that his real name is "Snoop Do double G". So far police have confiscated 30 badi's , 2 swords ,5 lingerie, 2 tooth picks and 30 trillion zimbabwe dollars.

Superman Returns- The Maldivian Version

2009-01-12T13:44:00.002+05:00

Maldivian Movie Makers are planning to make a Dhivehi version of the Superman Movie titled " the return of sperm-man". The script for the movie will be written by Nahula . According to our sources the special effects in the movie are amazing and some of the special effects include the zoom-in effect used in kasauti. Some people believe that this movie will be even better than kasauti in terms of special effects.

In the movie sperman will be played by Umar Naseer, and Lois lane will be played by Yoopey while the part of lex luthor will be played by none other than our beloved Maumoon abdul gayyoom. Speaking to our reporters The director Amjad said" We are Working with a large budget which includes money to get whores... I meant actresses and some extras (parteys) for the movie, we also lost a lot of money as Yoope went on a major shopping spree using our money by mistake".

The movie will premier in cinemas all over the world on Feb 7th 2009

Update: The movie has been cancelled after it was sent to the censorboard

No UNislamic activities at the DJ

2009-01-02T23:58:00.003+05:00

Police say that they had monitored the acitivities including those happening in the toilets but they didnt find anything contrary to Islam during the new years eve dj's. Speaking to the press a police sergeant said "Our officers are highly trained in islam, almost 50% of them know how to pray properly and a few of them know how to write bismillah so we can't question their judgement".

The organisers complained that police had interrupted the DJs saying that they found lots of male police officers dancing which caused most youngsters except a few women to loose interest. But police claim that this was all part of a program to ensure that nothing contrary to Islam was done at the DJ.

Most of the People who attended the Dj were disappointed with it. One 19 year old man said " This beautiful woman on a motorcycle came and gave me an ad to go to the Dj so i was expecting more naked beautiful women like that at the Dj but it was full of men so i went back to smoking cigarettes again "

The Return of Maumoon

2008-12-30T17:32:00.003+05:00

Hundreds of Thousands of supporters gathered in the republican square to welcome the old president maumoon abdul gayyoom who made a visit to singapore for a get together party with bill clinton. During the party they discussed major global issues such as global warming and sex which happens to be bill clintons favourite topic during and after his days in the white House.

Secuirity were in tights as gayyoom was hugged ,fondled and sexually harassed by the gathered crowd. He eventually managed to make it to the car after loosing several of his body parts to the screaming women. Speaking to what-a-noos a woman called Maumoona said "This large crowd here full of women proves that maumoon is sexier than anni, Anni can wear a yellow tie but maumoon is the only leader man enough to wear a pink tie"

Theif flee after being interrupted while trying to steal a woman's bra

2008-12-25T11:36:00.002+05:00

A Theif fled the scene after he was caught trying to steal the bra from a 19 year old women in the artifical beach area.Eye witnesses claim that he was secretly trying to steal the bra while she was unaware and there is no chance that she was just a prostitute.Police say that they cannot show pictures of the man as his face is too ugly for TV, but they did show a picture of the women on TV (taken from thebalaabodu.com).An eye witness said "at first i thought a man was scratching her back but i got suspicous when she started screaming in pain." Police say that the incident has been reported and they have sent a team to investigate the woman's bra for more evidence.

Norton Antivirus For Humans

2008-12-02T19:18:00.003+05:00

symantec has introduced a new software program to help humans fight against viruses. The software is said to work against all viruses in existence. In order to use the software you have to connect yourself to the computer through a wire that goes into your anus. The wire sends a small electric impulse (5000 V) of electricity through your body, and if you're still lucky to be alive after all that the virus will be gone and you will be cured.Just like the computer version the human version of the software makes you slow and unresponsive. Some of the other side effects of the software include death, paralysis, heart attacks,chronic farting and spikey hair.

Workshop to raise awareness on STD's

2008-12-01T21:44:00.001+05:00

A workshop has been held in CHSE to give the students information about sexually transmitted diseases. The students noted that the workshop was very helpful and entertaining. One student said " i never knew you could do that with your thing, i have to try that sometime". A discussion also took place during the workshop and students discussed the issue which is considered to be taboo in Maldives.

After the workshop ended the next day 14 students very absent due to sexually transmitted diseases and 1 of them had HIV aids. Two weeks later 40 students got syphilis, 9 got HIV aids and one very stupid student lost his manhood. The school considers the workshop to be very successful and they are now planning to have a new workshop on drugs

My phone, my X

2008-11-16T14:15:00.003+05:00

New service from dhiraagu, available only in Aneh Dhivehi raaje

Dont cha wish your boyfreind was hot like me (Backstreet Boyz feat Buster Rhymes)

2008-11-02T20:55:00.006+05:00

Dont cha wish your boyfreind was hot like me
Dont cha wish your boyfreind was a prick like me
Dont cha , dont cha baby
Dont cha wish your boyfreind had abs like me
Dont cha wish your boyfreind was rich like me
Dont cha,(baby) dont cha

I know you lick me (I know you lick me)
I know you do(In your dreams)
Thats why whenever i come around you're red as a rose
And i know you want me ( i know you want me)
It easy to see ( damn so easy)
And from the back of my head
I can see you looking at my shiny a$# (OOOHH)

Dont cha wish your boyfreind was hot like me (HOT !!!)
Dont cha wish your boyfreind was a prick like me (like me)
Dont cha , dont cha
Dont cha wish your boyfreind had abs like me
Dont cha wish your boyfreind was rich like me
Dont cha,(baby) dont cha

Dont Fight the feeling
Leave it alone
Cause it aint you
Its just that i'm too hot to handle
So lets take it slowly
you can be my fuel
See i dont care
As long as you just light my fire

Dont cha wish your boyfreind was hot like me (HOT !!!)
Dont cha wish your boyfreind was a prick like me (like me)
Dont cha , dont cha baby
Dont cha wish your boyfreind had hair like me
Dont cha wish your boyfreind had an a$# like me
Dont cha,(baby) dont cha

(Buster rhymes)
Ok , I see how its going down
Seems like shorty wanna bite a piece of me , Lets go
well let me get straight down to it
EVery Broad wacth me when i get through it
Its like they all wanna do it, looking all sweaty
if shorty hump me like the pussycat hotty
Lookin at me like she really wanna do it
Trying to put it one me, like she wanna have it
Ya wanna play with a real nigga, then press ON
The button on my a$#
With a shitty smile on yo face
Watch me and ima watch you at the same time
Look at me while i sing this hopeless rhyme
You're the reason i keep an AK-47
so i dont get any shit from you 24-7
For heavens sake dont think i would take any shit
Shorty would have more holes in her a$# than she can shit
I got an idea lets get high on dope
Then you'd find yourself tied to the street lamp with no clothes

I know you lick me (I know you lick me)
I know you do(In your dreams)
Thats why whenever i come around you're red as a rose
And i know you want me ( i know you want me)
It easy to see ( damn so easy)
And from the back of my head
I can see you looking at my shiny a$# (OOOHH)

Dont cha wish your boyfreind was hot like me (HOT !!!)
Dont cha wish your boyfreind was a prick like me (like me)
Dont cha , dont cha baby
Dont cha wish your boyfreind had hair like me
Dont cha wish your boyfreind had an a$# like me
Dont cha,(baby) dont cha

Breaking News

2008-10-07T16:57:00.004+05:00

Welcome to a noos ? what a noos
lets look at the main stories

First the local news

A recent survey by the Male' imaginary university has shown that women who watch kasauti are more likely to suffer from dehydration. During one single episode women cry so much they loose upto 2 litres of water from their body. This can be fatal if they are not fat enough to deal with the loss luckily most of these women are.

A cable company in Maldives have decided to censor all advertisements that show beer bottles playing football. They say that according to the religion its not good to show beer bottles playing football but its okay to see people drinking them and going wild or to see naked women getting drunk.

A group of People in Male' are protesting against people who protest in a move to stop the protesting on the streets. They have also attacked the people who attack people in a move to stop fighting within the society and to bring peace to our little "ranmutheyfadha" country. These people belong to a political party called "Maldivian Anti Politics party".

Lets look at the news from all over the world

george W bush has paid a visit to Maldives last night. He was welcomed at the airport by a clone of the president . Speaking to the media he said "We have come here to fight for democracy, it doesnt matter what people have to say or how people feel all we need is democracy that way america... I mean the world will be a richer and better place"

Al-qaeda has proposed a peace agreement and agreed to negotiate at the same table with american diplomats. This is the first time both parties will sit at the same table and talk. The table is belived to be 5 km long . Both parties will sit on both ends and shout at the top of their voice.

Albert einstein's Brain has been sold on Ebay at a prize of 5 million dollars. The buyer is believed to be an indian woman who is belived to be very rich (DUUUHHHH !!!!).

Thank you for tuning into our news, hope you have a bloody painful day

Maldivian gangster party

2008-09-10T17:37:00.008+05:00

MGP (maldivian gangster party) Manifesto

Our party was established to protect the rights of gangsters in Maldives. Recent statistics show that 15% of maldivians are gangster and another 15% are wannabe gangsters. so it is very important to protect the rights of gangsters

Legalisation of marijuana

our first priority would be to leagalise marijuana in Maldives and to increase the efficiency of a drug trade in the region. As for punishment people who bring drugs into maldives will be sentenced to 1 month in a 5 star resort.

Protecting the environment

In order to protect the environment it is important to make maldives a more green place. so we are planning to start a program to plant 2 million marijuana plants and another 2 million of opium in maldives so that more oxygen is produced and carbondioxide in the atmosphere reduced.

economy

By making maldives the one of biggest centre of drug trafficking in the world we would make a hell lot of money. so our country will be rich. In order to do this we will spend 100 million dollars on increasing drug production throughout the country

Religion

under our rule maldives will be 100% islamic but anyone can follow any religion and do anything they want as long as they claim to be muslims and go to the friday prayers.

Urbanisation

We plan to build 4 urban centres across maldives for 4 different types of people. One urban centre for PIMPS one urban centre for science nerds one urban centre for gay people and one urban centre for normal people.

please vote for us if you dont want to end up getting beaten by 7 people with swords,sticks,knifes etc..

Thank you for your coperation

election 2008

2008-09-01T22:20:00.001+05:00

lets look at the main candidates for the 2008 elections in Maldives

first the bald , old guy who has been president for 30 years.For the sake of national secuirity we

shall call him G-Man. since he came to power in 1978 he has lost 50% of his hair and 75% of his brain but still he is a leading candidate. According to the survey we carried out by asking 1000 random people who they think will win the erection 550 believed he would win the election. But this is not an accurate result as some people were being sarcastic and our idiotic staff questioned many "bangaalhees" and "parteys" during the process.

then we have a skinny guy with a big mouth and a not so big head. we shall call him "N" just so i dont get attacked by large mob of women. he is definitely the ladies man despite his looks and his speeches can really touch the deepest parts of a woman's soul the way a naked flame touches a womans buttox. He is also very good at throwing bondi-baiy partys and made his apperance on MTV last year in which he gave an emotional speech about the value of underwear in society

theres also the skinny, geeky she-male guy who tries to win the election by promising to buy things for everyone. and then the business man who is emerging as the dark horse in the race to win the erection(whatever that means)

but my personal favorite is i-Bra. who made the l-ibra-l party to promote the proper usage of Bra's in maldives and released his own line of brassieres called vote for iBRA. well i dont think we need to hide his name for the sake of national secuirity atleast until novermber

A love poem by a NERD

2008-07-11T21:25:00.000+05:00

your crystal blue eyes are as bright
As a 21 inch LCD screen
you make me feel so high
Like a 12 Gigabyte RAM
i cant help falling in love with you
just the way i fell in love
with all the girls in Japanese anime
and of course bill gates

I wanna kiss you gently

The way i lick my monitor
I wanna F%#K you with passion
The way i insert my pen drive
i want to stay by your side
86400 seconds every day
and i'll protect you
even from the micro-organisms

so baby lets get together now
it will be just you and me and my computer
Lets get married and have kids
In an online multi-player game
if its a girl we will call her tanya-x-2536
and if it is a boy we will call him metal-man-356

Psycho Nuts Daily

2008-06-20T15:23:00.000+05:00

Recent reports in "psycho nuts daily" magazine has suggested that there is a direct link between changes in global weather and the decrease in the amount of clothes women wear. Dr. Karl Dickbigger at the psycho institute explains that when women wear less clothes they become hotter (as assumed by scientists in the past) so when they become hotter the heat energy is transmitted to the surrounding and so the atmospheric temparature increases. The increase in temparature leads to changes in global weather such as extremely bad smells, flooding of public toilets, IL DIVO and raining of pigs from the sky.Therefore they came up with the relationship that the number of clothes worn by women is inversely propotional to the absolute temparature.

Nc = 1/ K (TsEX) where K is a constant

Dr (Dumb rascal) Karl Dickbigger went onto show evidence for this by pointing out the fact that areas where women go topless tanning are usually much hotter relative to other places. He also explained that the reason why africa is so hot is because women in africa are unable to afford clothes.Scientists have expressed great delight at the recent findings and many have been aroused by the nude pictures of women posted on the "psycho nuts daily" magazine. Meanwhile Osama Bean laid-en the world's most wanted man (according to MTVee's hot men rankings) has urged women all over the world to wear more clothes to reverse the effects of global warming. Speaking to MTVee he said "Yo i urge all dem bitches all over the globe to wear your fuckin clothes and dont go around lookin like one of dem ho's , coz if me niggaz see you naked we gonna blow da bombs and kill you, know whad i'm sayin".

America to stop giving cookies to iran

2008-07-08T21:04:00.000+05:00

Gorge-bush has announced a new strategy to stop the iranian nuclear programme. His plan is to stop exporting cookies to iran as it was found by a recent survey that iranians love to eat cookies. Despite the plans iranian president has said that they dont need cookies as long as they can import rihaakuru from maldives. The americans claim that iranians are using their nuclear weapons program to build weapons of mass destruction which include the "Fart bombs" , the bomb which has been recognised as the most dangerous ever built by man. Gorge-Bush belives that the fart bomb will be used to attack a choclate factory in isreal and this will make isreal more smelly than it already is .On the other hand the iranian president has said that the americans are sending spies to iran to peek into public toilets. The US government denied these claims and they say that these men are just ordinary perverts. Mr.John peekaboo a spokesperson for PAA (perverts association of america) has backed this claims by saying that he himself went to peek in Iranian toilets but he also added that he was not satisfied with what he saw and does not recommend Iran as a tourist destination for perverts all over the world.

A few physics terms

2008-07-07T22:42:00.000+05:00

Circular motion - moving in circles when one gets lost or drunk eg. Idiots

apparent weightlessness - the feeling you get when you jump out of the window of a 50 storey building

cycle - saikalu

Big bang - The Banging on the head of a man when he gets caught peeking into women's bathrooms

force - something that can cause a body to accelerate eg. Food, tv, coconuts , girls

weight - the downward force on your buttocks

drag - to pull someone by their feet

newtons first law - a fat ass will not move unless an external force acts on him

newtons second law - mass is directly proportional to the number of cakes you eat

newtons third law - for every idiot there is an equal but opposite idiot

couple - a man and a woman that are not in line and produce a rotational effect

work - sitting in front of a pc playing video games or watching unsuitable videos

conservation of energy - energy content of a woman will always remain constant , energy can only be converted and stored in her buttocks or chest

half-life - the average time taken for half the teeth of a person to fall

2008-06-05T18:46:00.000+05:00

Welcome to the news , lets look at the main headlines

A massive project is underway in boakaadhoo to build a library to aid the students in their studies. Excited students are already rushing to the library to read books. One 5th grade student said " i'm so glad we finally got a library, now i can go there to look at diagrams of the female reproductive system ,rip of those pages and take them home." when asked his name he kicked the news reporter in the balls and ran away.

As for other news a man in male died yesterday after sustaining heavy damages to his head. The man is believed to have tripped on a banana to fall on a trampoline and flew 5m to land on top of an angry woman who clobbered him to death (with a roshi dhamaaa thingy). The woman has also sued the dead guy for sexual harassment.

In international news

A man called "bagootha babagunda" has called for piss all over the world and urged world leaders to strip themselves of the weapons of mass distraction and their clothes (which will not be pleasant) and to make love (which will be even worse).

Sports headlines

A Football match was played between two BIG teams today at the Superficial beach (and by BIG we mean that the players are BIG and fat). The match was very exciting for a minute until all the players got tired and fainted on the pitch. One of the players is believed to have died after getting a fart attack.

Lets look at Business today

Eggs sold for 2 RF
Tomato for 3 RF
Chicken 25 RF
coackroach FREE
Water melon very expensive
Milk (depends on what type you want human or cow)
Stripper 300 RF